If I Were a Social Media Member...

Here are some of the status updates you might see...

* Mrs. Jones believes that cleanliness becomes more important when godliness becomes unlikely.

* Mrs. Jones thinks the last place she'd like to be beamed is "Up Scotty."

* Mrs. Jones is nice to her kids. They will pick the nursing home one day.

* Mrs. Jones has had fun before. This isn't it.

* Mrs. Jones is like a superhero with no powers or motivation.

* Mrs. Jones just heard that apparently the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is so big that Sarah Palin can see it from her house.

* Mrs. Jones hears others saying "you can be part of the problem, or part of the solution." I happen to believe you can be both.

* Mrs. Jones is using the force.

* Mrs. Jones isn't tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

* Mrs. Jones is brought to you by the letters W, T and F.

* Mrs. Jones thinks that some mornings it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

* Mrs. Jones is taking her sugar with coffee and cream.

* Mrs. Jones is not able to spare a square.

* Mrs. Jones is in shape. Round is a shape.

* Mrs. Jones is yesterday's news.

* Mrs. Jones is off to see the wizard.